We’re no stranger to doing hard things, and having hard conversations is a part of getting the sh*t done and healing somewhere along the way. So we asked our friends–single, dating, married, divorced–to share questions they feel are most important to ask when getting to know someone, whether it’s day one or day one-hundred.
Here are 21 real a** questions we should ask our bae-to-be or bae-for-life to help bring us closer to understanding each other. We’re ever-changing, so revisit this list. Be honest. Extend grace.